"...to what I've become and the reality is hard to face. “You’re in love with a fake. I'm a fake.” As I spit out the words, I think about Fergus. He was right all along and yet I refused to believe him. “I thought I wasn't good enough. That there was something wrong with me. That I needed to change for you to love me, to be different, to be more …” I can feel my eyes welling up as I remember those emotions. When we broke up the first time I blamed myself. It was all my fault. If only I'd tried harder, done things differently, been funnier, sexier, cleverer, more enthusiastic, sporty, successful . . . more everything , then Seb would have fallen in love with me. Because somewhere, somehow, something got buried deep down inside of me, an insecurity, anxiety, self-doubt — call it what you want — that made me feel I didn't deserve to be loved, that plain little old me could never be a success, that somehow I wasn't worthy. And for all these years I'...
